Birds

So I've had a few discouraging days the last week or so with stomach/back pain reappearing. My mind links this particular pain with my pregnancies, even though it can happen to me any time. However when I'm pregnant I feel this particular pain almost constantly. The way I would move through my days when I'm pregnant and in pain- I reminded myself of the wonderful end result of a beautiful baby. 

However, after Gideon, feeling this pain brings up memories of carrying him and feeling his kicks. Then my mind goes to the dark and not so fun places of thinking- that maybe even if we are blessed with another pregnancy we still have the extremely slight chance of experiencing another Gideon situation. It's a crazy low chance, but my mind likes to convince me that the odds are never in my favor

So my mind has been swinging between being fine and then going to all the "what ifs"-and thanks to Web MD my "what ifs" can be infinite,especially when experiencing stomach pain, I think Web MD's purpose is to drive people crazy enough that they have to see their doctors. Thankfully there is a solution to rid me of all the dark and fear trying to drown out the happy.

God tells us in 1 Peter 5:7

 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you

So I go to God in prayer and Bible study each day (I often need multiple doses of God's truth in a day) and find he can take the dark thoughts and spread his light so my mind can remember all the blessings around me. Now, am I perfectly at peace all the time? No-but I can only find my way out of the dark places by going back toward the light! Only seeing the world through God's lenses do we find that light! 

At my MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) meeting we created chalkboard signs to place in our homes. We had the option of writing verses, fun sayings, menus, or turn it into a fun chalkboard for our kids to play with. I chose to write out one of my favorite verses from 

John 1:5

The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.

The dark can't understand or overcome The Light...so in the pit I can't use any other method of getting out, than digging into scripture and praying over the situation!

A wonderful result of all the prayer and devotion time is that I have begun to notice the ordinary in a new and refreshing way. The other morning I woke up with the pain and felt just down, it's not fun to start your day off with the weight of pain. So God knew I needed a little cheering up. After visiting my chiropractor, I took the kids to one of their favorite parks. While we were there playing, I was pointing out the birds- technically Robins-to Luke. One just stayed and almost looked our way and then took a few hops and looked back at us. My mind immediately thought about Gideon.

Our little boy's urn has birds on it-I felt very led to go with the one with birds on it so I could picture him flying free of all of his earthly health problems. Also on Mark and I's getaway we found a bird feeder so we can remember Gideon whenever a bird visits. I know God uses the visual of birds in many ways through out the Bible-As a sign of peace, blessing, and strength-among many others. One passage close to my heart is-

 Isaiah 40:29-31:

He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

So we did not encounter an Eagle at the park, but God used this little robin to remind me of his presence- and that he has my little one in Heaven. I'm so thankful for all the little ways God can speak to my heart and mind. Also God called to mind that I still have 3 little birds at home who need to learn about Him and life in order that one day they may fly away from our little nest and chart their own course with God.