The Lord My Peace

Gideon's tiny perfect feet!

Today marks 4 months since seeing our little Gideon. I can still hear Luke talking to my tummy, during my pregnancy, to his little brother "Giddy." I remember Will and Olivia decorating the door to my bedroom -They started decorating for Gideon's arrival back in September even though he wasn't due until February. I vividly remember Mark's happy reaction when I told him last Father's day that he was going to have another little baby to hold.

It's amazing how so much can happen in the span of one year. Last spring we were talking about the idea of trying for our fourth, and we decided to just hand the situation over to God. God wasted no time in his response, as last June we found out we were pregnant. Sitting on the other side of things is difficult, but it has grown us and our family so much.

I've learned a much deeper level of trust in God and His will. I've learned that He truly does offer a peace that surpasses all understanding. He knows how everything will play out and I can trust that he will work it together for good even if it hurts at the time.

This last weekend I went back to the same funeral home where Gideon was brought to, but this time it was to see a good friend of mine and help her say good bye to her beautiful mother. It was only God who could make me face that building again as my mind went numb as we drove the similar route we took to get there back in February. My mood and mind remained kind of hazy and foggy after that, and I knew I needed some more alone time with God. Of course God meets us where we need him most!

My devotion I turned to was referring to the different names of God in the Bible. The devotion was specifically focusing on Jehovah Shalom, The Lord My Peace. Can you imagine what story it was referencing? Gideon's story from Judges 6. I believe it was a beautiful piece of providence that I desperately needed.

"When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." "Pardon me, my lord,"Gideon replied, "but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt? But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian." 

So Gideon built an alter to the Lord there and called it The Lord is Peace.

 Judges 6:12-13,24

I love how God chose Gideon even knowing he would be incredulous. It's sometimes hard to know God is with us when we are going through extreme hardship. We don't feel that mountaintop feeling that comes after a retreat or a wonderful moment. Hard times feel like trying to run through deep snow-it's cold, draining, and all you want to do is escape it and get near a fire place. God offers us that warmth if we come to Him,

The author of my devotion made a very important statement

"Peace is not a feeling or possession but a person. Jesus will invade your hopelessness and distress and reveal himself as Peace." -Nancy Guthrie

God and I have had and continue to have some late night talks. I know He can handle my questions even if I don't always get answers. He is patient with me and my finite understanding of what is going on in what seems like an upside down world. No matter what is going on I know that if I turn towards Him, He is faithful to give me the peace I need.

In the church I grew up in, our service always ended with the pastor reciting the benediction-also known in the book of Numbers as the priestly blessing. It was always reassuring to hear this said before leaving our church to go home-before going out into the world. Even reading it again today it brings a smile to my face! I can picture God's face shining on my little Gideon and I know he is in the best place!

“The Lord bless you

    and keep you;

 the Lord make his face shine on you

    and be gracious to you;

 the Lord turn his face toward you

    and give you peace.”’

Numbers 6:24-26