God in the storm

My family and I have just been through one of the hardest storms of our lives. Last October (2014) we learned that the child, a boy, I was pregnant with had a diagnosis of Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome. This is a chromosomal problem that causes many developmental issues-one possible complication is major heart defects-he had 3 very major issues with his little heart-and we were warned that we could expect him to pass any day or if he makes it to birth he may have minutes, hours, days, or in the best case scenario weeks before passing away. We have 3 older children who had to weather the storm with us as well-our 2 older children Will and Olivia were impacted more than our toddler, Luke. We named our little one Gideon after the Old Testament Judge-meaning Valiant Warrior. Gideon considered himself the weakest- we knew our little one was weak-but we also know we serve a big God-We prayed our Gideon would fight-we prayed God would fight for him. On January 31st, at 38 weeks exactly-or 2 weeks earlier than his Valentine's Day due date, our little boy was born and after 32 minutes quiet minutes with us- left our arms for the arms of Jesus. We are thankful for all the weeks we had with our little boy, but we still miss him- and miss all the dreams we had for him in those months prior to finding out all that was going on. 

When we first heard his due date of mid February my husband Mark got excited to watch KU basketball with a little baby snuggling on his chest with a little baby bottom in the air-one of his favorite things- and our little one would arrive right before March madness so even more snuggling KU time! We also had to let go of not getting to bring him along to family gatherings, church activities, or extra curricular events. We will not get birthdays or holidays with him. I will not get those middle of the night wake ups-which I actually do miss-or all the diapers or outfit changes. I didn't get to reconfigure beds or set up special decorations for his theme-his theme was to be animals-maybe a Noah's Ark type theme-I had no idea how appropriate that theme would be for us.

I chose the title of this blog because it reminds me that even in awful storms, God is still present and in control. God set the rainbow in the sky after Noah and his family had withstood 40 days of the great flood. God promised that he would never flood the Earth like he had. The rainbow reminds me that even when I feel the downpour of a storm-that there is always a rainbow even if sometimes it is hard to spot.

In our storm we had those brief rainbow encounters thanks to all of our family and friends. We felt it through cards, hugs, prayers, emails, gifts, meals, and so many tangible and intangible ways. I feel that we are still wading through some waters of grief even though the storm is letting up. However, there are always rainbows to find and I look forward to chasing those promises God has for me and my family. 

One of my favorite passages actually appears twice in the Bible-once spoken by the prophet Isaiah and also spoken by Jesus

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

14 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. 15 He was teaching in their synagogues,and everyone praised him.

16 He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read,17 and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
19     to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”[f]

20 Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. 21 He began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”

Luke 4:14-20

Thanks to Jesus we know we will find healing for our hearts and that God will watch over our little boy! We know true comfort and peace that only God can provide. It's never about our ability to hold on-but it's about the one who can calm the storm-He can calm the storm in our hearts even when we keep feeling the falling rain! I hope you'll join me in looking out for the rainbows!