Chasing God's Rainbows: Walking in the Unknown

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

Isaiah 26.3-4

Two years ago today Mark and I began our hard journey with Gideon. This day two years ago was the first time we were told there was a strong possibility that something was severely wrong with our baby boy. As the weather changes to cooler temperatures again I go on emotional rabbit trails in my head. I often wish I could go back to those days when our little boy was still happily kicking in my tummy and we were blissfully unaware of any problems. I know no amount of wishing would make his story turn out differently and I know God walked with us and placed just the right people in our lives when we needed it most. I know our lives are forever changed and I will forever introduce my family by remembering our boy in Heaven.

Mark and I find ourselves at the beginning of yet another journey, but this time with me and we pray that God would once again walk closely with us and that we would know where to go next and who to talk to. We know our support system is still out there and very much in prayer as we begin navigating this path.

So this last Tuesday night my body decided to throw us another curve ball. I felt a few of my small seizures coming on, where I "space out", and headed to the restroom in our master bedroom..it's hard to distinguish a flu bug and an aura at the beginning so I figured I was safest heading to the bathroom just in case. I remember focusing on my deep breaths, which I have found helps to calm me and get the small space outs to pass quicker. However, the next thing I know I'm back in my bed.

Well Mark had to fill in the gaps for me as he was present for the parts in which I had passed out. I apparently passed out and collapsed into our shower once again, my knees are a bit sore with bruises on them today. I proceeded to have a grand mal seizure, the kind people see on TV shows and movies. I began coming out of it shortly after but Mark knew I wasn't completely back to normal since I only claimed to have three children at that point... forget quizzing me on the year just ask how many kids I have. We chose to forgo the ambulance and ER visit this time around. The last time we did go in, the ER doctors just loaded me up on fluids and told me to call my neurologist, so we figured that advice was not worth the money or hassle of getting our kids arranged with sitters.

I will say this latest episode kind of hit out of the blue, because I usually have a several year break in between grand mal seizures. So the original explanation that my neurologist came up with after my July seizure of sleep deprivation is not sitting well with either of us, there has to be more to it than that. I've had stomach pain that has been interfering with my nightly sleep so we need to nail down what is causing that so we can avoid any other issues. Today, to add some fun to the mix, my back decided to add shooting pain to the mix of all the symptoms I'm dealing with. I wasn't able to stand up straight with the pain. So all that to say, once again we are out of our comfort zones and living day to day in the unknown.

I found it interesting that the other day I was discussing with the other members of my bible study about how vibrant my prayer life was during all the craziness with Gideon. When your world is upside down you more easily look up and when things are dark you more easily see the light! I know each night when I couldn't fall asleep after we received Gideon's diagnosis I'd talk to God about it, and later when the grief hit after he passed I talked to God. So I will chose to use this new development to get back to that close walk once again! It will take day to day surrender of my plans, which is hard for my "first born stubborn mind" to do, I like to make plans and once a plan is made I have a hard time dropping it. I know God will be the guide for us and we pray for his guidance as to who to talk to next about my stomach and back issues.

We welcome any and all to partner with us in prayer as we regain our peace again and try to decipher what is truly going on here.

We have so much to be thankful for and I pray as we walk this next unknown road as a family that not only will Mark and I's faith be strengthened, but also the faith of our children! Onto our next adventure with God.