A little over nine years ago on our first married Valentine's day my wonderful new husband had to call 911 on my behalf. I remember waking up that morning feeling upset to my stomach. I felt both dizzy and needing to be sick so I decided to go to the bathroom of our tiny student housing apartment at KU (we shared 500 sq feet) on the off chance that I was going to be physically sick. I remember feeling one of my small partial seizures (I feel like life is going in slow motion and and I usually feel certain things but can't communicate with the outside world-to anyone watching I appear to be staring off and look pale) coming on and calling out for Mark. Mark recounted that the next thing he knew I had fallen to the ground unconscious and began seizing. So he called 911 and I was taken to Lawrence Memorial Hospital. After a very short time of observation we were sent home and told to contact my neurologist. That is about all the instruction we received at the time. I began doing research on my own as to why I would have had a grand mal seizure out of the blue..I had had partial seizures frequently enough in his presence, but the last time I had a grand mal seizure (the kind shown on TV or movies) was my senior year of high school. One suggestion from an online forum was that hormonal changes such as pregnancy can set off seizures in women. So I took a pregnancy test while Mark was at work to rule it out, expecting it to be negative, but sure enough that was the culprit. We later welcomed our surprise first born Will that following October (My constant reminder that life goes according to God's will, not my own.)
Following the big seizure we didn't have the smoothest of transitions into regular life. I had to find a way to make up the internship hours I had missed due to my recovery for my social work degree, all the while not being able to drive myself anywhere. Mark would drive me from Lawrence to the Kansas City Ronald McDonald House and hang out there while I worked, on the off chance I would have another seizure. I coordinated rides between Mark, who was both a full time student and working part time at UPS, and my parents who lived in Shawnee at the time, all the while finishing my senior year of college.
The weeks leading up to this July 3rd I had been living with a sense of impending doom. I think that the idea that July 3rd is the anniversary of my Leukemia diagnosis, and our daughter Olivia is the same age I was when I was diagnosed is what scared me more than any previous year. My biggest memory of July 3rd 1990 was that my life went from innocent kindergarten graduate to girl fighting for her life. I gained a big vocabulary that summer including spinal tap, bone marrow biopsy, red cell, white cell, blood count, IV, blood transfusion, etc. So much changed for me that summer and it was my first taste of what it was like to cling to God and his promises even when life seemed bleak.
I saw this once on Facebook and it's fairly accurate for me and my life:
All the doom and gloom about this year seemed to be built up in my head...but when I woke up Sunday morning I felt sick and weak and didn't see anyway I would be able to attend church or help teach our Kindergarten Sunday School class. So my brave hubby went to church solo with our entire crazy crew. I stayed home and did my best to rest. Mark had been back home from church for only a little while when I woke up from my nap feeling off. I headed to the bathroom all the while feeling dizzy and somewhat like I was having a partial seizure. The next thing Mark heard was a loud thud/crash and when he went to investigate he found me unconscious laying partially in the shower and seizing. He called 911 and the next thing I remember is waking up in an ambulance being quizzed on what year it was. I was taken to Olathe med where they pumped me full of fluids and observed me for a short time. I told the ER doctor about my pregnancy playing a role last time so they made sure to run a test, which came up negative...I was discharged with similar instructions to contact my neurologist and avoid driving and various other risky activities such as swimming, until we feel everything is under control.
Recovery this time around has been a bit rougher as I'm a stay at home mom and have four kids to take care of. We also used up almost all of Mark's PTO with Eli so we have had to deal with real life faster. Our Eli is also teething so sleep is extremely interrupted so I think that has played a role in my continued dizzy spells and weakness. I'm also plagued with fears of another seizure each time I go to sleep. We live with the mindset of go to bed in something that I wouldn't mind being seen in, on the off chance I wind up back in an ambulance. I'm praying we can get back to a place of peace and that the EEG test my doctor ran will shed some light on why this happened.
In the meantime we appreciate any and all prayers for peace for our family. I hate that I have to teach Will why and how to call 911 on the off chance Mark is not home to do it. I hate that our fun summer seems to have been interrupted by my body once again, the last two summers my pregnancies got in the way. Please pray for my husband as it's scary to him when my seizures happen and he doesn't like being at work when I'm still dealing with the aftermath. Pray for my children and that we can salvage what is left of their summer vacation. Last please pray for me, that I can go to sleep in peace.
"Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him.
Tremble and do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
and trust in the Lord.
Many, Lord, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”
Let the light of your face shine on us.
Fill my heart with joy
when their grain and new wine abound.
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety."
Psalm 4.3-8
No comments:
Post a Comment