God Most High

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me;    he drew me out of deep waters." 

2 Samuel 22.17

This verse is David praising God for all that God did to help him escape his enemies. Even though I haven't faced any real human enemies... my grief, pain, and contractions sometimes feel like enemies. I still need God to pull me out of those deep waters of loneliness, heartache, and pain that accompanies all three of those issues. I recognize that this time around I have not had to deal with as much pain or as many contractions as I have in the past. The only one responsible for this wonderful gift is God. I feel God helping me through this pregnancy more than any other before it. I've still had pain here and there and I've had a few episodes of contractions but nothing daily or as brutally as previous pregnancies. I'm 26 weeks, almost 27 weeks along and I have not been assigned modified bed rest yet (with my third pregnancy, Luke, I was contracting daily and on modified bed rest at 20 weeks). I was warned by my doctor to avoid getting pregnant before 6 months post-Gideon, as she thought if we got pregnant before then it would mean a harder pregnancy. I'm so thankful God has paved this road for us to experience a break in our normal.

With all of my feeling good we have allowed ourselves to take a few more risks than we normally would have. I've been able to keep the house in some semblance of order (for a nesting stay-at-home mom that really helps) and we've made a few more outings than we normally would. I felt comfortable enough to be a helper at both Will and Olivia's class parties, organized a fun friend Birthday party for Will's 8th Birthday, helped decorate a "Frozen" hallway for our church's "great giveaway" for Halloween, and volunteered to pack meals with our church, and of course do some Halloween trick or treating. Last year most of these things would never have made it onto my to-do list but it was wonderful to be a part of them this year.

Little volunteers

Will writing John 3:16 out on the boxes

Will at his Army Party

Olivia's First School Party

      

         Trick or Treating with My butterfly, Sweedish Chef, and Train Engineer

I think I needed to stay busy around Halloween as it was still bittersweet to be wearing the exact same shirt, one of my only orange maternity shirts, that I wore last year when I was pregnant with Gideon. The change being that this year instead of having our sweet Gideon dressed up and trick-or-treating I was wearing my Gideon locket. It's the little things like that, that still hit me hard. 

Last year we stayed pretty oblivious to the celebrations going on in our city when The Royals made it into the post season...something about somber news doesn't make for a celebratory mood. This year we were excited when the KC Royals won The World Series...we even felt confidant enough to take our little ones to the parade (along with 800,000+ other people). For the record my doctor cringed at the concept that we were there, especially knowing how the large crowds made traffic a nightmare...and what would have happened had my body decided to pull a "flip out" and we couldn't even get over to the closer hospital? Thankfully once again God was with us and made the day enjoyable even though I did end it in a little pain. We were blessed to get time with Mark and our kids' school was cancelled for "blue snow day." We even got to visit my husband's work.

Our Family at the Crown Center Fountains prior to the parade

I loved Mark's eagerness to introduce our not so little family to his coworkers. He'd point to me and introduce me... then pointed out Will, Olivia, and Luke... and patted my tummy and introduced our soon to be addition, Eli. After repeating this a few times with various people I felt like the cat's out of the bag on our son's name.

We started off only mentioning baby's name to close family, but like anything else with us it eventually makes its way out...we are not so good with happy secrets. I felt it was really important for our little ones to have a new name to associate with the baby in my tummy this time. It's hard for our little ones to understand that even though I'm having a boy again and it's at the same time of year, that no it will not be Gideon coming back to us. It's helped Olivia cope with our loss when we talk about all the big sister things she is going to do with Eli that she missed out on with Gideon.

It has been a blessing to come to agree on a boy name as we've struggled in the past to agree on one, but when Mark posed the name Eli this time it just clicked. I read somewhere that Eli means "God Most High." I can think of no other fitting name for this little boy. Eli is our constant reminder that our God is in charge and our God remains good even through all we've been through. God had his timing for this little boy, even when we did not think we would have another quite so soon after Gideon. God knew we needed this exact timing to help heal our hearts and trust in Him even more. I continue to pray for this little boy and take nothing for granted. I will continue to trust in the Most High as we continue this journey to February.