Thankful

Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before.

Daniel 6:10

A couple weeks ago the Bible study I participate in was studying the life of Daniel. When Daniel was carried off into captivity he was a mere teenager but he already had a strong foundation of faith. He boldly continued to follow God even with the pressure of a foreign government and culture. He dared to ask for different food early on and showed his loyalty to God. Later in his life under the rule of a different king he was challenged by jealous associates to abandon his prayer life. However, consistently he showed who was first in his life. It challenges me to reevaluate my response to pressure. Do I continue to chase after God or do I cave into the pressure? Lately I've had the opportunity to make daily choices as to where I will turn.

My normal pregnancy contractions have started back up. I have been waiting for the shoe to drop and sure enough a couple weeks ago my body caught up with me. Each day I have at least an hour and half of contractions, but at least twice a week the contractions will continue on for 5-6 hours. It's always a balance to figure out how much I should be concerned about them. Last week I had Mark stay home because I went to bed with contractions and then woke up with contractions... I felt like there was a small chance my doctor would make me come in. Thankfully I got the best nurse to talk to when I called in, I quickly explained that I would prefer to have my doctor call in a second type of pill for me as I've started having more contractions but this is baby # 5 so we know that we are not quite at the point of going into labor and delivery. Her response helped calm any fears that she would send me right to Labor and Delivery-She calmly said "5th pregnancy? You are my favorite kind of patient, I'll pass the message onto your doctor and will call you back when she responds." So happy for a nurse that didn't immediately quiz me about how much water I've had, if I laid on my left side, if I had more than 6 contractions in an hour. My doctor did in fact call in the script but gave strict instructions that if both IB profen and Procardia do not work to stop them, then I am to go to Labor and Delivery. Thankfully so far both meds acting together have done the job, even if sometimes it takes a little longer to kick in.

Both Mark and I have been hit with varying emotions regarding the holiday season. In many ways we are very thankful for the busyness of the season which we hope will make the last trimester appear to go faster. We really enjoyed all the family time we got in over our long Thanksgiving weekend. We were able to spend Thanksgiving with Mark's extended side. Friday we got to find our Christmas tree among many frozen trees. Saturday we enjoyed decorating our tree while sipping hot chocolate, making Christmas cookies, and snuggling and watching a Christmas movie. 

However, it's our first holiday season since losing Gideon. I was not sure how hard the emotions would hit us since we didn't have him home for any holidays, but there are many little things that hit like a ton of bricks. Setting out the Christmas decorations and seeing the empty stocking holder was hard-we will soon either purchase or make a Gideon stocking. I also put up a few ornaments that were given to us to remind us of Gideon, it was fairly emotional to place them. Even certain bible verses still hit me hard.

The people who walked in darkness

Have seen a great light;

Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death,

Upon them a light has shined.

Isaiah 9.2

This verse still brings up a lot of emotion and really gets to my heart...last year we felt as if we were living in the shadow of death. This year feels as if we are in-between the shadow of death from last January and the light God has graciously granted us to come in February. Even without a new one to look forward to there are so many moments of light that God has brought about for us when we had Gideon and after. We are thankful for the hope of this next little one...but there will always be a missing child at each holiday gathering, a missing laugh, and some missing presents. 

I'm thankful that we have the hope of Jesus, the real reason to celebrate Christmas. This Advent season our little family will be counting down to Christmas while learning the names of Jesus. 

http://www.spelloutloud.com/names-of-jesus-advent-chain.html

Many of his wonderful names are found in just two powerful verses!

For unto us a Child is born,

Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His name will be called

Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Of the increase of His government and peace

There will be no end

Isaiah 9.6-7

We ask for continued prayers as we live with joy and anticipation of our coming little one... balanced by the physical and emotional pain from this pregnancy and the loss of our dear boy. We both remain thankful always that Christ did come to Earth and he made a way for our little boy to live forever in His presence! 

29 weeks with Gideon
November 2014

28 weeks with Eli
November 2015

God Most High

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me;    he drew me out of deep waters." 

2 Samuel 22.17

This verse is David praising God for all that God did to help him escape his enemies. Even though I haven't faced any real human enemies... my grief, pain, and contractions sometimes feel like enemies. I still need God to pull me out of those deep waters of loneliness, heartache, and pain that accompanies all three of those issues. I recognize that this time around I have not had to deal with as much pain or as many contractions as I have in the past. The only one responsible for this wonderful gift is God. I feel God helping me through this pregnancy more than any other before it. I've still had pain here and there and I've had a few episodes of contractions but nothing daily or as brutally as previous pregnancies. I'm 26 weeks, almost 27 weeks along and I have not been assigned modified bed rest yet (with my third pregnancy, Luke, I was contracting daily and on modified bed rest at 20 weeks). I was warned by my doctor to avoid getting pregnant before 6 months post-Gideon, as she thought if we got pregnant before then it would mean a harder pregnancy. I'm so thankful God has paved this road for us to experience a break in our normal.

With all of my feeling good we have allowed ourselves to take a few more risks than we normally would have. I've been able to keep the house in some semblance of order (for a nesting stay-at-home mom that really helps) and we've made a few more outings than we normally would. I felt comfortable enough to be a helper at both Will and Olivia's class parties, organized a fun friend Birthday party for Will's 8th Birthday, helped decorate a "Frozen" hallway for our church's "great giveaway" for Halloween, and volunteered to pack meals with our church, and of course do some Halloween trick or treating. Last year most of these things would never have made it onto my to-do list but it was wonderful to be a part of them this year.

Little volunteers

Will writing John 3:16 out on the boxes

Will at his Army Party

Olivia's First School Party

      

         Trick or Treating with My butterfly, Sweedish Chef, and Train Engineer

I think I needed to stay busy around Halloween as it was still bittersweet to be wearing the exact same shirt, one of my only orange maternity shirts, that I wore last year when I was pregnant with Gideon. The change being that this year instead of having our sweet Gideon dressed up and trick-or-treating I was wearing my Gideon locket. It's the little things like that, that still hit me hard. 

Last year we stayed pretty oblivious to the celebrations going on in our city when The Royals made it into the post season...something about somber news doesn't make for a celebratory mood. This year we were excited when the KC Royals won The World Series...we even felt confidant enough to take our little ones to the parade (along with 800,000+ other people). For the record my doctor cringed at the concept that we were there, especially knowing how the large crowds made traffic a nightmare...and what would have happened had my body decided to pull a "flip out" and we couldn't even get over to the closer hospital? Thankfully once again God was with us and made the day enjoyable even though I did end it in a little pain. We were blessed to get time with Mark and our kids' school was cancelled for "blue snow day." We even got to visit my husband's work.

Our Family at the Crown Center Fountains prior to the parade

I loved Mark's eagerness to introduce our not so little family to his coworkers. He'd point to me and introduce me... then pointed out Will, Olivia, and Luke... and patted my tummy and introduced our soon to be addition, Eli. After repeating this a few times with various people I felt like the cat's out of the bag on our son's name.

We started off only mentioning baby's name to close family, but like anything else with us it eventually makes its way out...we are not so good with happy secrets. I felt it was really important for our little ones to have a new name to associate with the baby in my tummy this time. It's hard for our little ones to understand that even though I'm having a boy again and it's at the same time of year, that no it will not be Gideon coming back to us. It's helped Olivia cope with our loss when we talk about all the big sister things she is going to do with Eli that she missed out on with Gideon.

It has been a blessing to come to agree on a boy name as we've struggled in the past to agree on one, but when Mark posed the name Eli this time it just clicked. I read somewhere that Eli means "God Most High." I can think of no other fitting name for this little boy. Eli is our constant reminder that our God is in charge and our God remains good even through all we've been through. God had his timing for this little boy, even when we did not think we would have another quite so soon after Gideon. God knew we needed this exact timing to help heal our hearts and trust in Him even more. I continue to pray for this little boy and take nothing for granted. I will continue to trust in the Most High as we continue this journey to February.