At that level 2 ultrasound that seemed to last forever, I remember us chalking it up to our child being stubborn just like his older siblings. But those serious faces and tissues came out and we knew all was not right in our world. I can still remember the doctor listing off the first few things that popped up on the ultrasound that concerned them. Then him asking us if we were familiar with a condition called Edwards Syndrome or Trisomy 18? I remember just feeling like rewinding the appointment and starting over. I wanted desperately for them to go back through the whole appointment and for them to figure out they'd made a horrible mistake. I remember crying into my Chipotle burrito bowl and not really eating much of it.
We got the call from the same office just a week or so ago and we scheduled our level 2 for this little one. This time our ultrasound is scheduled for the 29th of September, eerily close to the 30th. I know dates mean nothing to God and He knows what will be found out. This time we go into our appointment hopeful but no longer feeling totally in control of the outcome. I pray for this child as I did for all of mine. It was not a lack of prayer, faith, or belief that took our Gideon from us. I still feel that tug toward Heaven when these dates approach. I still don't have all the answers by any means, but I know that more of my heart is in Heaven and waiting more expectantly for the day when I get to return to my true home. All of these feelings of missing Gideon and being led forward with this little one has put me in a weird mood.
I had been looking forward to the weekend my parents were to come for my cousin's wedding for a bit, but all of a sudden I started giving into all my fears. What if I do too much and am up all night in pain? What if I'm on my feet too much at the wedding and send myself into non stop contractions-I've sent myself to the hospital overnight by just giving kids a bath in the past. What if I have too much pain or am in the hospital with contractions and can't go to the circus (we received free tickets from Mark's coworker for that Sunday evening)? I finally broke down at one point and told Mark "I just don't want to do anything fun this weekend, I just want to get in my comfy clothes and lay in bed all weekend! Can't anyone understand that I'm not in the mood for fun?" To which my wise husband responded "Did you ever think maybe you need a little fun? You know your parents (and whole family) is great about bringing the fun!" I hate it when he's right but I did need a big dose of fun to pull me out of my funk!
My family's fun train pulled in around 9:30pm on Thursday night and they brought the fun! My parents and brother Daniel and sister Maya stayed with us at our house so we were literally making room for the fun. They surprised the kids in the morning by greeting them as they groggily walked down the stairs, ate breakfast with them, and then walked them to school (and this mommy got to sit in a completely quiet house while they walked to school-it was bliss). They also surprised Will by showing up for lunch on Friday. Later in the day we all spent the beautiful afternoon playing out front with kites and Daniel helped Will with his basketball skills (while I sat watching from a lawn chair)! That night while my parents were off at the rehearsal dinner, the kids watched a movie with Maya and Daniel and ate some puppy chow.
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| Maymay and Will |
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| PawPaw and Will |
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| Flying Kites with Maymay |
Saturday morning we ended up going to the park and then came home and got ready for the wedding. We attended the wedding, and thankfully the kids did not disrupt the ceremony upon threat that they would not get any chocolate at the reception if they did. Then after some pictures we went to the reception where the kids enjoyed a children's buffet of chicken fingers and fries and of course some "Aunt Cake" chocolates-My sister Kate Weiser is an awesome chocolatier and she brought over 650 bonbons to the wedding-along with a secret stash she kept at the table we were sitting at! Olivia took a bit to warm up to dancing, but at one point she found her confidence and we had to practically drag her off the dance floor when we finally left around 10:30pm.
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| All 3 ready to go to the wedding! |
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| They did a great job entertaining themselves prior to the ceremony |
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| A few Kate Weiser Chocolates! |
The next day we saw off my family and headed off to church. Then around 3:30pm we headed off for the circus. To say our kids were ready for bed by the time we got home around 8pm on Sunday is an understatement! We all had a great weekend that we will not soon forget!
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| Everyone on the edge of their seats! |
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| Luke loved the " L-phants" |
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| Olivia got to play circus dress up! |
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| Will got to sit on one of the motorcycles that was used later on in the show |
I'd say the more amazing part was that I did not contract more than a few hours at night on Friday. I also did not contract much the rest of the weekend and my doctor agreed with me on Monday that it was pretty huge for me to not be contracting when I showed up to my appointment. At my appointment this little one had another great strong heartbeat and I got some meds to help with pain when it wakes me up at night. I'm still not out of the woods completely as I've had more contractions, pain, and pre-seizure auras since that weekend. However, I know God paved the way for us to have a fun weekend to break up the monotony of counting down the weeks of pregnancy we have left. I have to laugh at how much I fought the concept of having fun. I can hear God saying something my parents used to say, more like yelled it which makes it even funnier, to my sister and I when we were grumpy on vacation..."Come on just have some fun!"...still don't know why I drag my feet sometimes, but I'm glad I have people in my life who can wake me up to all I could miss out on!
Please keep praying for us as we approach September 29th and especially September 30th and the beginning of October as that's when everything started showing up last year! Praying I can hold onto the joy I experienced over the weekend and remember that God does not desire me to remain in the pit or in fear...He loves me and protects me and he offers that same promise to all who trust in Him!
This verse is one that was shared during a bible study I did on Gideon a few years ago! It just seems so fitting and a great reminder that God cares and wants us to have joy!
The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
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| 18 weeks down The Same dress I wore at Gideon's service Looking a little different with a baby bump |
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