Surrender and Surprises

  I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” -1 Samuel 1:27-28

So Father's Day 2014 our whole journey started with Gideon. That's the day that Mark and I discovered we were expecting a little baby. Soon we were sharing our happy news in great anticipation of what was to come! I began planning all the little details the minute the test turned positive. I was put on modified bed rest fairly early on in my pregnancy with Gideon due to my typical pain and contractions. So in my free time I researched clothes and baby gear. We had sold and given away baby gear thinking that Luke was going to be our last baby. God opened our hearts to welcome and love another baby. Like many times, I showed my love for this next baby through planning. I planned so much and then September hit and our priorities changed completely!

I had glimpses of what surrender looked like through out all the medical trials I had experienced in my life to that point, but we were up against a new level of surrender with Gideon. We prayed for a miracle but simultaneously we prayed for God's will and God's help in accepting it. We made the most of the days I remained pregnant, thankful to be in pain since it meant Gideon was still there! Thankful for each and every kick, as they were God's little reassurances. Planning became more about preparing our children for what was to come, especially Will who was so looking forward to a baby sibling. We had to find a way to surrender our precious boy completely to God, which is the biggest struggle no matter how old our children are. This year Father's day was a little different, but also not so different!

Surprise, God is giving us another blessing, another pregnancy which we hope will turn out differently. After a few days of  my epilepsy acting up, I took a test and sure enough this June we saw another positive. Then 3 more tests later I figured we could be confident that I was carrying a new baby. Another addition, a much anticipated and hoped for addition. I know things this time feel different, it's impossible to walk our road and not view pregnancy differently. The biggest thing for me is to run to God when fears strike-as they have already hit time and again between nightmares and random thoughts. To see this pregnancy through God's eyes, even the morning sickness and exhaustion is comforting as I know these are the effects of a growing baby. In the big picture, all the material things are nothing compared to time with those we love. We are praying we get to take this baby home and love him or her for many many years to come!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17

Cute baby outfit I picked up from MOPS 

Last May as we were ending our MOPS (Mother's Of Preschoolers) meeting for the spring semester, I did a little peeking at baby outfits in our MOPS Swap, or kids clothing exchange. I found an adorable KU outfit for our hoped for baby. Some of our expectations at the beginning of our last pregnancy was that we would have a bitty baby to hold while watching KU basketball during one of the best times of the year, March Madness. I didn't even think twice about picking up the outfit as I figured we love the Jayhawks all year round. We were forced to surrender the desire to hold our baby at home over to God once we got Gideon's prognosis. Another surprise, it looks like God may give us our March Madness baby snuggles after all!

Please pray for me and my family as we look forward to our rainbow due in February. God is writing this story...in His providence our baby's due date is a day after his/her big brother Gideon's due date. At first I was leery of having a baby due anywhere near Gideon's due date, but now I see it through God's eyes as a new chapter in our unfolding story. How great our God is that He would bless us in this way. No matter what lies ahead we will rejoice today that we have another little one to love and care for no matter how long that may be. I hope that by the time we get to meet this little one that he or she will be covered in prayer and love which is by far the best gift any baby can receive!

Lord, you are my God;

    I will exalt you and praise your name,

for in perfect faithfulness

    you have done wonderful things,

    things planned long ago.

 Isaiah 25:1