and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.”
Revelation 21:4
So our family survived January, the month of Gideon's earthly and heavenly birthday. I won't lie, January was an extremely emotional month for me. I felt caught between two worlds moving in opposite directions. I had prenatal care for a little boy that should be arriving very soon, but all the time remembering having similar but very different prenatal appointments for Gideon. We had our ultrasound for Eli the Tuesday before Gideon's birthday. Almost exactly a year prior we had an ultrasound for Gideon...it was the appointment at which we decided to induce on the 31st. The timing overlap between the pregnancies is overwhelming at times, but healing at other times. At Eli's scan we were able to see a very healthy and big boy predicted to weigh around 7 or 8 pounds at birth.... in comparison to Gideon's scan where it showed him to be somewhere around 4 pounds, and he was 3 pounds 12 oz at birth.
At the appointment prior to my ultrasound for Eli my doctor made the discovery that our ornery Eli had been playing the acrobat and flipped himself to a breach position. So there were a few days of concern that after my ultrasound the next week we would be talking terms such as C section and EVC (External Cephalic Version)-where the doctor physically turns baby head down-both options did not sound pleasant to us. So had you stopped by the next night after the first appointment you may have seen me laying on a bookshelf balanced on our couch with my head on the ground and my feet on the couch..yes I was willing to do anything so this boy would flip! (The website suggested an Ironing board but I nearly broke ours before actually laying on it so we went with a bookshelf instead) Thankfully at the ultrasound he was head down. However he was not content to stay in that position and just this last Monday he was found to be back in the breach position. So the next day we went back in for another ultrasound and he was in fact back to head down. I just laughed it off with my doctor that it wouldn't be one of my pregnancies without something crazy going on.
On the 31st of January we had some nice weather in Kansas and were able to go to a park to release some balloons to Gideon. Each one of our children had a different idea of what Gideon's favorite color was so we let them each pick their own colored balloon. Later we went home and made some homemade pizzas and cupcakes to celebrate the little boy that is celebrating far away from us. We talked with the kids about what they thought Gideon was doing in Heaven on his birthday. Mark and I had our emotional moments in the day, but overall the day was characterized by peace and trust that God is taking care of our little boy.
The trust in God that we have learned more deeply through this whole experience has also led our oldest to make a very big decision. Will has decided to fully place his trust in God and knows that it boils down to doing what God wants over what he wants. It means that he isn't perfect and only Jesus was perfect and took on the punishment so we can join him in Heaven. I find it another beautifully timed event that God foreknew ahead of time. He knew one year after Will said goodbye to his little brother that he would learn to trust God and follow him, and one day he will get to see his brother again!
In this picture Will is waving good bye to Gideon and saying "See you later"...We know he will see Gideon later in Heaven! We look forward to watching Will get baptized tomorrow morning at our church service (10:45) and celebrate his birth into the family of God!
See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.
1 John 3.1
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