You will go out in Joy
and be led forth in peace;
The mountains and hills
will burst into song before you
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:12
This verse is our MOPS theme verse for this upcoming year and I've been trying my best to memorize it in preparation. My kids love that they get to quiz me on memory work, instead of the other way around! This verse pretty much sums up what I felt today when receiving our great news! Right after receiving our wonderful news I met up with some MOPS moms at a beautiful park to talk about our summer book study. It was wonderful to think about this verse out on a beautiful day for August in Kansas...at a park full of trees, water, and ducks (there were no mountains but there were a few hills.) It's amazing what fresh air and good news can do to revive my attitude and outlook!
The hoped for\feared call came this morning when I was in the midst of doing some housework and I had left my phone on vibrate from the night before and missed a call from Children's Mercy. The genetics counselor being extremely ready to share some positive news, for once, emailed Mark to tell him to have me call back as soon as possible and that she had good news. I called back a little before 9 am and heard the words we hoped to hear: the test did not detect any anomalies and everything looked normal! I was so happy and uplifted that things are looking "normal."
Normal is a word I longed to feel all through my life, and normal is something I still search desperately for on most days. I have to laugh that I expect God to make us all into cookie cutter creations. How boring would it be if I were actually normal, but some days I'd settle for boring over pain. My normal is always a little different from others during pregnancy. Yes it's normal for me to have two hours of random contractions, at only 12 weeks along, that are consistent and then completely drop off (I usually don't even call the doctor until after 5 hours because that's how my body rolls). It's normal for me to need to take multiple sitting breaks throughout the day to stave off pain. It's normal for me to need more help than I'd like to admit. However I'm so thankful to add baby looking normal to the mix this time around.
Gideon is definitely included in the new normal in many ways. Different things will bring him to mind and we allow our children to talk openly about him. It's normal to me to see a mom at a school gathering who's children almost identically line up to mine age wise including their fourth, a baby around the age Gideon would be....my mind began to think Gideon would have been going to Kindergarten with their youngest down the road had things gone differently. It's normal for Olivia to look at Gideon's picture and turn to me and say, "mommy he was so cute!" It's our new normal to pause when filling out a getting to know you quiz for school when reaching a question about how many brothers and sisters Will has. I loved that he was extremely thorough and was careful to keep Gideon in the mix.
All these little moments make my heart go out to all the parents and siblings that have children and siblings no longer on Earth but very much alive in their hearts and Heaven. Innocent quizzes can turn into a moment of sadness or indecision about how much to let others into that part of your life. I'm proud of my big kids that they will always include Gideon in the mix no matter what others may think. Numbering my children will always be a struggle and I will include them all if people ask. However, just looking at our family on outings their is the assumption that we have only three kids or a party of 5, but in my heart I want to scream party of 6. I'm thankful we got to have time with Gideon and I'm thankful he's waiting to reunite with us some day down the road. I'm thankful that we have this rainbow baby coming along to join our party, thanks to the help of modern medicine Mark and I can breath a little easier and plan a little more! Can't wait to meet our sweet little one in February!
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